Marathon Complete BUT……

Yes I did complete a 26.2 mile marathon.

Did I run it all? NO!!

Was it the time that I wanted? Not even close.

Everyone keeps telling me that I should not be disappointed with the time; it is just the fact that I completed a marathon. I have said it before; I am not a runner so I do not have the mindset of a runner. I kind of trained like a runner but still, not the same way and certainly, not as hard.

With all that being said, I KNOW I can beat that time. I ran almost a 15 minute mile from about Mile 18 to the end. That is a fast pace walk. I felt like I did walk that whole time. I was out about four weeks ago and ran what could have been calculated as about 17 miles. I ran out of my Gatorade that I had brought. I stopped off at a convenient store that was along my route and got some water. I felt better after that. That was no where near the feeling I had on Sunday. I know people would say that every day is different when running and that is true because about two months ago I thought I was not going to be able to run any more after the way my legs were feeling, but then I still ran on Sunday.

I am going to give you the breakdown of the day from what I can remember.

The day started off at 34 to 37 degrees. As a group, we were asked to be there at 6:30a for pictures. My family got up at 5:00a since we spent the night in Lincoln. It was better to stay there than to have to drive to there from Omaha. Also, we were able to get down for some prime parking, which will be revealed later, it did not matter. We all headed to the “back side” of Memorial Stadium for pictures. There had to of been close to 17,000 people there – 10,000 runners and the others were friends and family. I headed to my starting position which was already towards the back because I lined up with the 10:00 minute mile pacers. I thought that is where I belonged. It was a good decision because I stayed with that group until the 1 mile mark and that was about 10 minutes. After that I went to my pacing that I was working on during my training. I felt pretty good but I just felt different. I thought I was going to pick up the pace but I just could not. I say my family at about mile 4 or 5, I am guessing. It was shortly after that, where things started to go wrong.

Those feelings are coming back and the tone may seem to change a bit.

I was at about the 10k marker and I started seeing people stopping to stretch or had cramps. I thought I was doing good because I was not feeling that way. But…. At that point, my phone/headphones/GPS started skipping around and beeping for no reason. Maybe the sweat was getting to it or something. It was making calls and the music was skipping. I had to turn it off for a while. That was frustrating because that helps me keep my rhythm. I was not able to find my pace again. I rounded the corner and started for mile 11. That is when I thought I was going to call it quits and just run the Half Marathon. I saw my family was waiting at a different spot. I even told them that I was not sure I could go on. I did send out a text to them and family, which was still coming into Lincoln to see me cross the finish line, stating that I was not sure if I could go on. It was just a minute or so later I thought, Why? Why stop now? I thought I could get my pace back and I could still finish with a decent time. I then sent off another text that said I was going on. I was really close to my “Chicken Exit” for the Half Marathon split. I did not take it and continued on. It was neither a dumb nor smart decision. I just wanted to finish what I had started. After that most of it is really a blur. I just know that at about mile 15 or 16 is when I met up with my mentor for my training. His name is Ray Brown. Really without him I am not sure what my time would have been or if I would have even finished. At that point my mind was playing tricks on me. I was thinking about what would happen if I could not go on or what my options were. Then I was thinking about the people that were waiting for me back at the stadium. I was also thinking that I needed to be done by 12:30p so we could be back for my son’s baseball game. That is what kept me going for a while but I kept thinking that I could get my pace back and people just kept passing me. Once I was with Ray, he kept me going and kept talking to me. That really helped. He kept me on a minute by minute pace of run walk. We did that at a rate of a 14 to 15 minute mile.

That took some of the mind games out of my head. He was always so positive while I was struggling. He was chatting it up with the people that were cheering on the runners, the volunteers, the police officers and the people that were running. I felt so bad for him that I did start to increase my pace just a bit but I was just so exhausted that I had a hard time keeping up. He had no problems. But little by little we made it back to the stadium. I got to the 26 mile mark and ray was still talking with the Nation Guard members and there was a DJ that he was talking to about his dedication for sticking around. We got to the ramp that leads to the inside of the stadium and I just gave it everything that I had and came sprinting onto the field and across the finish line. I almost lost it and started to cry. I just could not believe that it took me that long to make it to that point. There were so many people that were waiting for me and I was “holding” them up. After I crossed the finish line, the only thought in my head was: “Alright, let’s go to a baseball game.” People wanted pictures and hugs. But I was so mad at myself that I just wanted to leave. I did not care about the other people’s feelings. I am still upset about the time but I am also upset that I may have come across as rude to the people that were there. They were so happy for me and I may have been a bit snippy to them. That was wrong of me. They WANTED to be there and were not upset about the waiting. They were just happy that I finished.

And I did finish. I may not have been happy with the time and I was not the slowest one out there….. So I should just be satisfied with that. The weird thing is - I am not. I have said the whole time, I AM NOT A RUNNER and I had said that this was going to be my only marathon. Ray, my mentor, had said that I will get the itch to run more. I would not say that I have the itch to run more but I think I am going to either run the Omaha marathon or the Lincoln one next year just for one reason, to beat my time. I do not see that being a pattern for future years but I guess I cannot say that would really be the case since I am considering running again. What did I learn from this is? Training is very important. I slacked off so much that would have prepared me. This is not like cramming for an exam. I know this sounds so basic but you have to learn one way or another.

I had to wait a few days to post this otherwise is might have been more of a complaining session on how bad I did. But really thank you to everyone out there for your encouragement and support. I thought the response was overwhelming and I really appreciate it.

I will end with:

May The Force Of THX Help Give Your Life More Clarity

Ever Wonder?

This is going to be for believers and non-believers in Jesus.

I may have lost several people after stating that but for those that have stuck around:

Have you ever wondered where Jesus or God was during any past situation? This is not going to "explain" everything but just to offer my opinion on certain situations. (My Disclaimer)

Maybe there was a time in history such as natural catastrophes, evil rulers, or even just event in your own life. No matter the situation, where was God during that event? People always wonder: If God is all powerful and is such a loving God, then why does he let bad things happen? The first thing we need to remember is that God does not LET these things happen. We live in an imperfect world that is ever changing. We do not know when it is going to be any person’s time to go so we would need to prepare ourselves for that time.

You hear several people say: Live life as if there is no tomorrow, Live life to the fullest. We all take for granite that there will be a tomorrow. That is why I am posting this now. What if something was to happen and you truly did not get to do even just a handful of the things that you thought were possible to accomplish in your life. I am not saying to spend your whole paycheck to go tour Europe or go golfing all day for weeks or go to Vegas for a luxurious vacation; because what if then there is a tomorrow and you have to go back to what we call a “normal” life. That would not be practical. I believe that was the problem with some of the evil leaders of our time. They could not see past the fact that maybe what they were or are doing, could be wrong. If they were wrong, what would happen the next day? Most of them have found out what happens. They did not see past that illusion of what would happen if there was a “tomorrow.” They did not see the bigger picture. I am not saying that you should live a life in the dark wonder what might happen. What I am saying you need to prepare your heart for a life of understanding and a life of peace. I have found that in my faith. I do not have a defining moment in my life that made me say that is the time I decided that I am going to change my ways. It has been and still is a struggle. I am NOT a perfect person. I do not consider myself a role model or a person to look up towards. There are times in my life that I know that one way or another I am going to have to answer towards. Also, I am not trying to tell you that you HAVE to live your life this way. I am just saying that it is easier for me to accept certain events as tragedies but not “end of the world” tragedies. The natural catastrophes that have occurred are hard to watch and hard to believe that God could allow this to happen. But however, they are examples that it could be us that will be affected the next time. I really do pray for those people and I hope that they can find comfort that there is a higher power at work and they ARE NOT in control. None of us are in control. Every time we try to control our lives beyond what we are able then we tend to get stressed or start to loss hope. We do have a certain amount of control but when we get to the point where we could say: How am I going to get through this? Then that is the point where God will come to help us. There was a song that helps to explain what I am trying to say:

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

I just want anyone who is reading this to know that we are NOT in control. I had thought at one time, I wish I had all the answers but then I thought about it and I am not sure I want to know. I really like knowing that I am here for a larger purpose. Do I specifically believe in a Heaven and Hell? I do not really….. But I do believe that there is more to this life that I could possibly imagine.

I have found comfort in that and I have found comfort in believing in a God that will give me the direction I need to live my life either for myself, for my family or for others… However it was meant to for MY path.

So maybe just a little:

May The Force Of THX Give Your Life More Clarity

Why I love this time of year

This is such a busy time for everyone. Spring sports are starting up, people starting to take some vacations or starting to plan vacations. This time before schools ends always seems to go by so fast. But…. There is always one time that I just wish would slow down just a bit and it is this week. There are so many stories out there that people are writing and books that are being made by the thousands. However, there is only one story that will always touch me in a way that make be break down and really make me think that I am not worthy. I know this is long but please take a few minutes to read through it.

The story is the same and it is told pretty much the same every year. Here is my version:

There was a man who was born just like any other man. There was one exception. He was already told the path for his life but he still had to live it… as a mortal man. This man, well, boy … went through his early life just wanting to be a boy. He wanted to explore and try new things, like any other person at his age. He saw where his parents were going and wanted to know more. He went to seek out those places and people there were even taken back by the fact that a boy wanted to be more than what he was. This boy had been told that he was special and had a purpose. Are we not all raised the same way? Did you Mom or Dad tell you that you were special? But somehow he started to believe it as well at a young age. The written story seems to stop at that point. But why? Was it because no one documented his life? Was it because he disappeared for a while? Did people lose interest? Did people lose hope? I think it was because the story was meant to be one of the best stories about what some people believe to be about a perfect person and that time was not perfect. I do have a belief that there may have been stories of that boy becoming a man and those stories were not perfect. There have been movies that have shared the same thoughts. I am using a few of those and expanding just a bit. I believe that during that time were not the greatest of times for that boy. He was going through changes like we all did. I think that he was not perfect. I am sure he got mad at his parents, I am sure that he rebelled like we all did at one point. I have told stories of my past and I would not want to re-live that time at all. I put those stories out there not to gain sympathy but to get them out of my mind and move on. I am sure that those were the same thoughts of the writers of that time. This boy went through many trials and hard times but the people of that time may have documented them but they were never made public because of the fact that this was supposed to be the story of the greatest man who ever lived. Why would you want to tell stories of how he was weak and troubled? That does not help with building a great character story. What does help is that this boy becomes a man and is still strong in character and does not waiver. So why give out facts that man paint a different picture of someone who may have had hard choices and may not have made the right path. I am sure that most of us wish there were times now that we look back that we could have rewritten that small part of the story but it is not possible. Also, it seems as though there was not the same open society that we have today. If there were rumors of anything that was not liked by the rulers, those people were dealt with in a way that silenced any word of what happened. And so the story picks up after that rebellious and adolescent time. Most of us can agree that after we hit our late 20’s and early 30’s that we became more responsible. We all still remember the times when we were younger and had some revelations from when we were younger. Some “aha!” moments. I am sure that is what happened to this man. He remembered his parents telling him stories about who he was and what he was meant to do. I am sure that he had some internal feelings as well that made him realize that it was time to start to be the man that he was meant to become. The story goes on about time of extraordinary events that happen. It is hard for anyone to really believe that these events happened. Most of these events cannot even duplicated to today with modern technology but it is written that this man achieved the impossible. The one thing that is kind of odd about those events is that they are not debated in history. They are debated now by people but not in the history books. This man was also telling stories of events that had not happened but later became true. These note vague events and they were not far into the future. Most of them were just days away. Getting to the end of the story, he would tell the people about events like what you one person would do after he was gone. He told another one on how that person would betray him. He told about events that had a chronological order and after the story was written, it was documents that those events did happen. He even told stories about how he would die and what would happen to him after he died. He told stories about why he was there and what he was meant to fulfill. At that point, that is all those were… just “stories”. No one really believed them because it was just kind of far-fetched that a man could know so much about the future and only be a man. The story ends with more facts that were foretold by this man. He was beaten and tortured and humiliated. He was given several opportunities to have that treatment stop. He was told that he did not have to go through with this. But in his mind, he knew why he must go through this type of pain. It was for each person. His “aha!” moment was that he was meant to fulfill a purpose. He then knew that he was not here to be wealthy, to be popular, or to be a great ruler; but to become a man of the people. There are several of those people living today but none of them have the same mindset that this man had. He knew that in order to be a true “man of the people” that he would have to give up those things that may come his way such as, money, popularity and achieve great leadership. This man took it upon himself to show the world that he was who he had now become. This was one man who said that we all needed help that we all needed hope of a better life, that we all are special. There were a few other specific events that were fulfilled and he knew that after those were completed that it was time. He then just gave himself up, a true “man of the people”. At that point there was darkness and the earth shook. Then the overall story ends. That is actual fact. There may be some debate on how some of the little stories actually happened or if they were exaggerated a bit, even the end of the story about the darkness and the earth shaking.

This is where the story continues on for those who believe and have faith. There are those who do not believe and there are those that refuse to believe. I am the opposite. I refuse to NOT believe. I am sure it had to be how I was raised or what has happened to be in my life but I find it hard to not believe that this is all that we have in our life; what is right in front of us. If that is the case, then this all is very sad. I do not know what I am meant to accomplish in life but I know it was not to sit behind a half of a desk and test software. I am not meant to make a ton of money. I am not meant to be the most popular person. I am not meant to be a ruler. I do not know what I am supposed to do but I do have faith that someone came to this Earth to give me a bit of guidance on HOW I am supposed to live. I have faith that there is more to this life that what I can physically see. I do not put my faith in those other things, money, popularity, or power. All of those things can be taken away so fast that you have nothing left but one thing. That is your faith. I am not trying to preach to anyone here but I am telling you why I believe in that Man who gave me hope that there is more to this world than what we see right in front of us.

There are two songs that I HAVE to listen to continuously every year at this time:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aK1MXQxNlYI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hirUSLS54WU


May the Force of THX Give Your Life More Clarity

Continuing On.....

Alright, I left off with middle school….. I was starting to feel more comfortable but still not fitting in with a group. I did try out a few church camps and those were great. I loved that. I have had my kids start to go and they did like them as much but they do not seem to be the same as they were way back in the day – side note, can you not say “back in the day” without turning your lips in and talking like an old person, just wondering, - Anyway church camps… I had a great time at those. It could be that it reminded me so much of small town life and several of them were from smaller towns or it might have been that I did not have to try to fit in there. Everyone was accepted.

That is when I thought things could get better starting in high school. In a way I was right. I got to the point where I acted like I did not really care what people thought about me but I really did. I would do certain things to specifically standout, by the clothes that I wore the people that I started hanging out with and just being different. I was not trying to impress anyone like I was in the previous years. I felt better at that time but I still look back and realized that I did not really like high school that much. Maybe I just remember the bad times and not all the good times. I do remember some of the times where I was acting like a teenager. Those were some of the best times. We would not do anything that was too out of line. I would leave cartons of milks in my locker for weeks until it was so bloated that was about to explode. I would then pull the lockers away from the wall just enough to put the carton back there and reset the lockers. That carton burst and that smell traveled to other parts of the school. Man that was funny because really only a select few of us know who did it and I never got caught. There were other things again like rolling bbs under the Math office door. I am only mentioning all of this now is because the statute of limitations has my partner-in-crime at the time was the same locker partner that I hated from Middle School. Yes. That same person is now my best friend still to this day. There was Cell Biology that was a waste of time because of the people that were in the class. I did learn anything in that class. I guess just enough to pass. That was about all I remember from my freshman and sophomore years. I know that is pretty sad. Well there was one more thing that I do remember and that was meeting my wife. That was a match made in Marching Band. It was weird because it was just a perfect fit. We pretty much got along all of the time….. I know that is not true. We were able to fight well, though. There were a few times that things did not really work out but we always came back to each other. She never really left but I had some problems. It was really a great time with her. She really helped me to get though several events and I think that is why my Junior and Senior years were a blur. I really did not care about school. I did just enough to graduate, just barely. The other times that were good involved Marching Band but were not specifically school related.

So all in all, I did not care for school in general. I know people look back and say: "It was the best of times."

Not for me.

I would say the best of times is now. People wonder why I act the way I do, like a child sometimes; it is because I liked the way I felt back then but I love the people I am with now more. I combine those two feelings and it is just fun.

Everything has changed since my school days. I am not as out-going as I was, I am way more responsible and I guess I care more about being a better person that I do about what others think about me. Which is a complete 180 from high school.

Now that I am done with the past, the future posts will have a deeper purpose.... yeah right!

May the Force of THX Make Your LIfe More Clear

(still needs work)

Let's do this

I am not a blogger by nature but I have been told that I kind of know how to write. I know this is going to be rough to start but bear with me I will make it better with your help.

So what you need to know about me to follow along with my logic and with what I may post. As much as I have lived in a larger city (if you want to call it that) of Omaha, I am still a small town person. I love the interaction of other people and the friendliness of all your neighbors. However, Omaha does offer its own share of events to keep you entertained. So my life cannot be laid out in just one blog but I will tell you that you may learn one new thing about me today.... maybe.

I grew up in a small town in central Nebraska - Cozad. Grew up is a very loose term because really I only lived there for 8 years but I have some many great memories from that time. everything from Monopoly, to baseball, to school, to swimming lessons, to floodings then to the freedom of riding your bike any where in town that I wanted. I could go into some detail on each of those items but we will just keep this moving. We moved from there to Omaha when I was in 5th grade. At the time, it was the most troubling for me. I had a hard time adjusting so I had tried to be the attention getter and was not that successful. So because of that I spent my Saturdays watching VH1 with the artist blocks of 4 hour videos by that one artist. My memories of school were not really of great times. I might have had fun when I was there but I do not entirely remember that. I did get into some sports like baseball and basketball but I was not the greatest at either one. I still love to play them till today but I just never excelled at them.

Moving onto middle school, that was where I just know I did not have any great times. The best thing that came out of the few years of my new life in Omaha was that was where I was drawn to the Force that is Star Wars. Like most kids/boys my age, I would watch all three movies over and over and over on VHS to where I had worn out copies and had to get new ones. I would use broom handles as lightsabers, had the Ewok Village, the C3-P0 gold case (still have) to several figures. But I would just play with them by myself. That was some great times but again that was not really outside of my house. Getting back to school, the only great memory I have of middle school was I got to play my cousin in Knockout and I won. That was the only time I actually won and that was more by chance. I loved the competition of sports but I just did not take it to the next level. In school, I even tried track & field. I did the shot put and the discuss. Those events were the classification of failure. There always had to be winners and losers and I was the loser every time. This scrawny little 7th grader trying to throw what had to be a ball half of my body weight and then have it drop at my feet. I might have been the only one to get negative distance in the shot putt. So just as time clicks on so did my life. There were bad locker partners, to having my books knocked out of my hands in the halls, to being laughed at by girls, to going into the wrong bathroom and all the way to messing up in shop class. I could just never find my nitch in life at that early age. I do not want to go on and on about that because it just sounds like whining and I hate that.

This may sound somewhat sad but it ends well just wait I am not going to divulge everything on this post but I will end this on a more positive note. I will say for now that high school is where I met the love of my life and looking back it proves that even though we all go through some hard, dirty, nasty times we can still make it through that and be more clean and alive than we ever thought we could be.

For those of you that may actually follow this, I will go on with my high school years and may fill some blanks from before.

I think I will always end my posts with this:

May the Force of THX Make Your Life More Clear

(That is a work in progress)